Beyond motherhood – The Hindu

I have lived that life silently innumerable times. And over the years, I have learned that silence can be both a shield and a wound, especially when society keeps asking the same question: “How many kids?” , “What are they doing?”

I’ve come across these questions countless times. For a few years, answering them became almost routine. Even now, those moments return whenever I meet new acquaintances.

You might wonder why such questions send me into the dark.

Well, the answer is simple — I don’t have any.

Is it a crime not to have children? Sometimes, I’m made to feel so by certain circumstances.

During family gatherings or friendly get-togethers, I often feel like a fish out of water. The main topic that flows so naturally in those circles is about children — their lives, studies, laughter, nature, and future — and I remain voiceless in those conversations, nearly choking from breathlessness.

I understand — they speak of their world, while mine is simply myself.

Some people even take it upon themselves, as if it’s their utmost duty, to remind me that my life is incomplete. That I lack not just something, but everything — the very purpose of life.

Then they proudly share their children’s achievements and their dreams for the future. I listen, without bitterness, though I know very well that they do it deliberately — to remind me of what I don’t have, to make me feel inferior.

Perhaps it’s just my feeling, and maybe their intentions are pure. But that logic doesn’t sit well, as the type of people they are, as understood from their nature. Maybe it’s true. Maybe I do miss something that others have — that’s undeniable.

But I’ve noticed something: whenever they sense I’m doing well in some way, the topic of children somehow arises, almost as if to pull me down. For a long time, I tolerated it. Once, I tried to hint gently through a saying I have heard: “Do not show your wealth to the poor, do not show your learning to the ignorant, and do not show your strength to the weak.”

I said it, hoping they would understand how their words wounded me. But, of course, they didn’t. Then a few offered free advice with due concern “Consult this doctor,” “Try Ayurveda,” “Try this, try that…”

Now, I have trained myself to turn a deaf ear to them. Only I know the struggle I have gone through. Sitting for hours in long queues, consulting doctors religiously — until one day, I was told that I was perfectly healthy. The doctor smiled gently and said, “Only God holds the magical wand to grant you the label of ‘mother’.”

And I accepted it. I prayed.

I have always trusted my gods — they know what is good and what is not. Maybe, if I had children, I might have been destined to suffer through their pain, illness, or loss. I have seen such grief up close. So, I consoled myself that God wants me to be happy in my own way.

That’s when I turned inward towards myself. I took to reading and writing the passions that had quietly lived within me for years. Instead of sitting and crying over hurtful words, I began to write — to express my thoughts in my own words. There were days when I cried uncontrollably, feeling looked down upon for not having children. But through prayer, meditation, and conscious acceptance of reality, I began to find my inner peace.

“Whatever happened, happened for the good. Whatever is happening, is happening for the good. Whatever will happen, will also happen for the good.”

This verse from the Bhagavad Gita became my strength — helping me let go of the pain I had carried for years. I began to believe deeply that God’s plan is always better than mine.

I started to write. I poured my heart onto paper. My first book was delivered. The next is on the way. I finally feel fulfilled through what I create, moving away from what I lack.

Motherhood, I realised, comes in many forms. Some nurture lives, plants, pets, others nurture words, ideas, or compassion, and the like. Each form gives life in its own way. All praise to the Supreme Lord, who turned my emptiness into expression.

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Published – December 21, 2025 04:14 am IST